A mean king, a drunk and a sleeping loony
by little-bit-crazy
Summary: This is a parody of sleeping beauty. It tells the true story...or what i think would be funny! Please read and review.
1. The start

A mean king, a drunk and a sleeping loony

Once apon a time, a fine King and his beautiful Queen lived in a magnificent castle on a grassy hill somewhere in France. They were fantastic leaders, always helping those in need. Loving devoted and caring…well the Queen held these natural abilities but the King was a very good actor. Deep down he was a cruel, evil and selfish man. These traits were only shown to his servants, who knew quite well that if they told a soul they would be dead.

One day the King and Queen sat in their royal dinning room eating a splendid breakfast. Their breakfast contained fruit, eggs and bacon, the bacon coming from a pig that the King had hunted down the day before. On the table laid a beautiful silk tablecloth and the finest cutlery around. The Queen ate in silence as her husband talked about the kingdoms homeless folks.

"You know those homeless kids are rat bags. We need some good solid kids in this world."

The King grunted. The Queen just nodded back and absentmindedly rubbed her belly.

" And I understand that they have had a hard life but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have manners."

The King continued waving a greasy fat finger at his wife. He waited for his wife to come back with a retort, telling him that it wasn't the kids' fault and that they should help them.

However, the Queen just sat in silence rubbing her belly with one hand and playing with her golden hair in the other.

"Everything alright love?" The King asked.

The Queen looked up at him with a big grin.

"Everything is just fine."

The King wasn't convinced.

"Your all smiles. What's going on?"

The Queen beamed.

"I'm pregnant!"

_Noooooooooooo!_ The King screamed to himself but as I said, he was a good actor.

"That's fantastic!" He said proudly.

The King didn't care for children and what he did two weeks after the Queens announcement was an example of that. The King decided to go and see the wicked fairy in the land and her three good sisters.

They lived in a tree in the depths of the forest. The grass and ferns around the big Oak tree (The fairy's home for those who are a bit dim) were very thick and the King had to use his sword to get through them.

He walked up to the tiny little door at the bottom of the tree and tapped it as gently as he could, for all know that one little tap could be an earthquake to a little fairy.

The King waited in the dark shadows of the forest. Creature's scurried away in fright at the sight of the King. It wasn't because he was a King; it was because he looked like the fearsome boar that had been lurking in the forest.

Suddenly, the doors to the fairies home opened and amazingly four full-grown women appeared in front of the King. He blinked in shock before taking in their extraordinary beauty.

One of them grabbed his hand and kissed it. She had beautiful curly dark brown hair and hypnotizing green eyes. She wore a silk red dress and had red roses in her hair.

"Rosemeta." The King said taking a bow.

Rosemeta smiled back as she let her sisters greet the King.

The next fairy had long straight blonde hair and innocent blue eyes. She wore a short blue dress and pansies in her hair. She nodded at the King, who said,

"My sweet Pansy, my pleasure." He took her by the hand and kissed her cheek.

The third fairy wore the colours of the rainbow; all except red as it would clash with her orange hair. She had gray eyes and a warming smile. Just like her sisters she greeted the king with a happy reception.

"My Royal Highness." She said giving him a hug and curtsy.

The King puffed out his chest and grinned broadly,

"Shower, how have you been?"

Before Shower could say a word, the last fairy pushed in front of her sister and she was not happy. She had startling black hair, black eyes and wore; you guess it, a black dress to match her black wings. Out of all sisters she was the most beautiful. She, unlike her sisters, was evil therefore; she was the wicked fairy.

The King gave her a very sheepish grin.

" Electra darling how have you been?"

The wicked fairy Electra poked him angrily in the chest before screeching,

"Alfred! Don't darling _me_! What type of father _are_ you? You haven't paid little Timmy's child support for months! Give me a reason I _shouldn't_ curse you?"

A little boy fairy waved happily at the King who smiled weekly back then turned back to the boy's mother.

"I have been busy love. I will had you over a million right now, it's not a hole in my pocket, trust me."

The King grabbed a fancy golden checkbook out of his pocket, got out his favourite pen and handed the check to Electra. She studied it for a brief moment before giving the King a cheeky smile and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Al, _honey,_ what would you like?" Electra asked the King. He looked at all of the fairies before saying,

"I need some fairy magic."


	2. The Birth

**A mean king, a drunk and a sleeping loony: Chapter Two.**

**_Hello all. This is a very short chapter but i didn't want to drag on the birth. With this story it goes in more to the fairies, prince and sleeping beauty, hence the reason for chapters. I hope you like it so far. Rhia._**

_

* * *

_Those nine crazy months past and the Queen was now in labor.

The Queen and her King were in the royal sleeping chamber with a fat cubby little nurse standing above the Queen getting ready to deliver the newborn.

The King held is wife's hand as she lay on the bed, screwing up her face and panting.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Queen screamed as the baby started to come into the world.

"Bloody pixies, ferrets and fairy floss!"

The Nurse looked at the Queen in alarm.

"Miss! That's no way for a lady to behave!"

As the nurse said these words, a little baby girl entered the world. She had beautiful blonde hair, rosy cheeks, long eyelashes and bright blue eyes. If that wasn't enough she had a cute button nose and she was covered in blood. The Nurse wrapped her up in a blanket and gave her to the near faint Queen. The Queen took her daughter in her arms and looked up at The King,

"Isn't she just divine Alfred?"

The King looked down at his daughter. _Divine? _The King asked himself. _This kid will be nagging me until the day I die…well maybe the day she dies…_The King smirked before replying to his wife.

"Yes Trudy she's nice…a bit cubby." He added with disgust. The nurse gasped and the Queen snapped.

"You can't talk you big piece of shi-"

"Your Highnesses!" The nurse said as the King went to lunged at his wife. He thought better of it and said sweetly.

"It doesn't matter if she's a bit cubby…she will grow out of it."

The Queen smiled at her husband.

"That's more like it. Now what to call her?"

The King had many names, waste of time, piglet, and money taker…

"What about Ainsley?" The Queen asked.

"Meh." Was all the King could say.


	3. Why not!

_**A mean king, a drunk and a sleeping loony Chapter 3  
**_

It was the night before the christening of little Ainsley the 1st.Everyone in the whole kingdom was absolutely overjoyed with the new arrival. For the past two weeks, the King and the Queen were overridden with gifts and well wishers. Everyone loved the fact that there was going to be such a beautiful baby one-day ruling the kingdom. All except the King of course. He had planned a marvelous plan with the four fairies; it was fool proof…that's what he thought. You see Electra, being the evil fairy and all, devised a plan with the three good sisters and they sat in their kitchen planning it out.

Pansy sat on the kitchen bench (which was made out of the most lovely straw) looking over the plan that the king had giving to them.

"Alright let's go through this. Alfred said we were to each give gifts. I give the princess the gift of laughter and happiness. Rosemeta gives the gift of beauty, Shower the gift of a generous heart. Then Electra,"

She nodded at the wicked fairy whom stood against the doorframe with her arms cross and utterly bored with the situation.

"Electra," Pansy said continued,

"You will come in and curse the girl to death at the age of sixteen by pricking her finger on a spindle. I shall then say that she will just go into a deep sleep and everyone will be happy." The fairy clapped her hands together.

"Yay! This is going to like totally work!"

Electra put her hand up for silence. All of her three sisters looked at her with mild curiosity. Electra stretched and said in a soft voice,

"Why should we go by little non paying for a couple of months Alfred's plan? I mean, when has that man ever been nice to us? Okay, he gave me a kid and wooed me but other than that he just calls on us to do crap for him. We should play a trick on him."

Rosemeta put down the glass she was drinking out of, Shower frowned and Pansy put her hand over her mouth. Pansy was the youngest and was very naive to almost everything.

"Electra! How could you be so cruel?"

"In the job description. Evil fairy evil mind…"

"Yes but how are we going to trick him?"

"Make little Ainsley into a loony, she falls asleep then she is known as the sleeping loony. She's mental, Alfred will suffer. Have to look after her and all that. "

"That's-"

"An excellent plan." Rosemeta interrupted. "We all need so naughtiness in us."

Shower nodded, "This would be a laugh so why not?"

Pansy became angry and shouted,

"You two are good fairies!"

Electra smirked, "I was too once but then I changed my mind. It's easy to do you know Pansy."

Pansy tried to talk her sisters out of it but secretly liked the idea. One-day Pansy was eating the most delicious apple and the King took it. For that, he would pay.

"Okay," Pansy said defeated, "We will make her into a loony."

The other three cheered.

"Good for you Pansy!" Shower said, "Find your inner cow."

Rosemeta laughed.

"Yea sis be a bad gal!"

Electra walked over to her sisters and smiled proudly.

"This is going to work wonders."

Pansy smiled.

"Yea it will."

"That's the sprit!" Electra said giving her little sister a hug.

So the four fairies spent the night planning the evil little plan. After a couple of drinks they had come up with even more evil plans but Pansy put her foot down and said only one would work and that they were bound to get caught out if they did more. The others agreed, well all except Shower who like being evil for once and decided that she would secretly make the Princess true love a drunk, I mean why not!


End file.
